How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
