Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Randomize
