I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
