Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Randomize
