Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
