he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
i think im in europe. pls send help
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
