Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Randomize
