Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
