he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Randomize
