I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
