i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
