do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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