is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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