Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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