It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
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