everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
