do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I think people are normalizing furries
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
