It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
love makes seman taste better
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
