Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
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