I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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