Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
