I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
