i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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