i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I just found a bag of teeth...
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
