I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
You can't motorboat a personality
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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