i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
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