So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
