Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
