I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
this will be a night to untag.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
