i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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