I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
