Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
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