Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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