He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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