my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
