So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
