Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Randomize
