Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
