I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
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