"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
