New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
