I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
