you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
