So drunk, too bad you don't want this
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
