Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
