Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
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