And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Randomize
