i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
My vagina is officially offended.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
