I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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