I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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