How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
