I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Randomize
