she woke up with a sticky ear
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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