i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
