I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
